Tagged: pretend

when i am in your

when i am in your
arms, i pretend to know what’s
what, take great gulps of

confidence, appear serene,
a thing you can hold onto

we insist on being

we insist on being
uncool, so that it’s always
a surprise, like when
the electronic claw comes
down and pulls us out of so
much plush and stuffed
doubt, even on the first try

i am more and less

i am more and less
enamoured than i pretend
to be – when i come

up for air, hold me to it,
against everything, truth and dare

it’s not working, this pretense.

it’s not working, this pretense.
i fire off missives to the regions
of my body that are still slow,
hiding from the signs, as though
everything is fine as long
as the message cannot
. there are
whispers in the blood-
stream that sound like
fish or cut bait.

on days when i have to

on days when i have to
keep my chin up, i do
it, like one of those
chinstrap penguins,
climbing out of the
antarctic, ready to find
anything that resembles
a foothold on those steep
slopes. you are never
ready to hear this, i know
it, by the way you smile
so innocently, try out
jokes to conduct the most
favorable light. i make
the decision for you,
yes, sorry, just like that,
you are not allowed
to comfort me, i keep
my chin up, helmet on, look
for the next solid step

i never pretend to be more

i never pretend to be more
or less involved than i am at any
given moment. if i do pretend to
pretend, it is so that i can tell you
later, perhaps make you laugh,
nervously, as if you don’t want to be
in on the secret. soon, i will have to
stop writing this down so that
you can stop reading. truth, lie, or
dare, let’s pretend to pretend
until we can tell each other
later, when desire
is a long spent thing

i am pretending

i am pretending
to know something about your
loneliness – it takes

a good forty-five minutes
for the painkillers to kick in