Tagged: fear

in the shadows, we

forty-three hours have

forty-three hours have
passed since we lost you. i hide
the details
from my-

self, don’t get too close to the
edges for fear of falling

perhaps i spread my

perhaps i spread my
fingers just a little when
i am thinking of
and me
and whether
there can be an
us, the dreaded
unknown, hiding
my face
from the face of
it, without resisting
a peek

there are seconds

there are seconds
that converge every
morning to act as a
fine-meshed strainer,
separating parts of
myself from other
parts of myself.
i am awake
in this world again,
severed from all other
possible worlds,
recalibrating for
traces of paralysis

it’s not working, this pretense.

it’s not working, this pretense.
i fire off missives to the regions
of my body that are still slow,
hiding from the signs, as though
everything is fine as long
as the message cannot
. there are
whispers in the blood-
stream that sound like
fish or cut bait.

for fear of being

for fear of being
terrified, i make
small waves, swim
away from the edge
and back, as though i could
possibly get the hang
of it, run directly into
indiscretions for a touch
of normalcy, a stretch of
and still,
i amass all
the words in my
throat so that
they have to choose
whether to be
or benign. i smile
and say all the important
things because they cover
up other important things,
i pirouette when poked,
try not to make more
friends than i have to

i have been caught

i have been caught
grinding my teeth
in the middle of the
night again. you reach
over and massage my
cheeks, pulling me
back from worlds
and worlds away. i
return to you, covered
in the elements –
exiting the universes
we create always
takes some strength,
ample resistance